Tag: humor

In honor of Sir Edmund Spenser – the Forefather of Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

In 1590, Sir Edmund Spenser (pictured below) penned the epic Faerie Queen – the inspiration for what we know today as “Roses are red, Violets are blue…”

While Spenser would probably choke on a fig (I just assume that all Sirs in the 1590’s are in a perpetual state of fig-eating) after hearing the reductive, Hallmarkian ode we know and love (by which I mean feel complete apathy for) today; I feel he would at least be able to celebrate the longevity of his poetic contributions – as well as the iterative love poems spawned by it’s creation.

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In an attempt to further (re: tarnish) Sir Edmund’s assumed-fig-over-consuming legacy, the luvdaily team set out on a mission to give “roses are red, violets are blue” another refresh – several, in fact.

We reached out to poets, comedians, authors, marketers, and friends for multiple perspectives – ranging from the political to the downright obscure.

Read. Enjoy. Show some Love.

Read through these 38 roses are red, violets are blue love poems while enjoying a fig. Also, make sure to follow our contributors on their respective platforms, and leave them some love in the comments or on their social media channels!

And we highly encourage you to share this little article with all your loved ones and greatest enemies – in the name of Sir Edmund!

We have broken these poems into subsections for quick parsing (love is all about efficiency these days):

• Poetically Correct
• Real Talk
• Breaking Up
• The Sweet
• And Now For Something Completely Different

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Poetically Correct

1. A Political Love Poem

Roses are red

Democrats are blue

Trump’s in the White House

And everything’s untrue

– Lenore Hirsch, author @ Laughing Oak Publications

3. Love who you Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Gender’s a spectrum –

I like girls too.

– Brittany Brave, NYC-based comedian, actress, and writer @britbrave

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Real Talk

4. Commit to this Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Be more than a friend –

so I can call you my boo!

– Vivian Young, Sr. Content Manager @ Comparakeet

5. Stop Swiping Right Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I’m off Tinder now…

and you better be too!

– Vivian Young, Sr. Content Manager @ Comparakeet

7. Stating the Obvious Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Those colors make purple,

Which I feel like you knew.

–Brittany Brave, NYC-based comedian, actress, and writer @britbrave

8. Take a Long Look at Yourself Love Poem

Roses are flowers,

Blue is a color,

Love is a construct,

Get a grip, maybe.

– Brittany Brave, NYC-based comedian, actress, and writer @britbrave

10. Intervention Love Poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar intake is one of the leading causes of type two diabetes

And this seemed like a good segue to inform you

– luvdaily crew

12. Genetically Modified Love Poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

They are also often genetically modified…

Which we may deem regrettable, as a species, in the distant future

Oh, and…I mean…so are you

– luvdaily crew

13. Opportunity Cost Love Poem

Roses are red,

Sometimes they’re pink

But flowers are expensive

I’d rather buy drinks.

– Colette Killworth, Account Coordinator/Event Manager @ DRIVEN360

14. I got you, babe Love Poem

Roses are red,

Our credit is not.

I don’t need flowers –

paying bills makes you hot.

You are my husband and I am your wife;

we got each other’s back in this working class life.

– Tangela Walker-Craft, founder @ Simply Necessary Inc.

16. Just Get on with it Love Poem

Roses have thorns

Violets do not

Sugar is sweet…

Which seems completely unrelated to the previous thought.

– luvdaily crew

17. Speak Your Truth Love Poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And I am not very articulate when it comes to expressing my emotions – frequently deferring to poetry as a defense mechanism.

– luvdaily crew

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Breaking Up

18. A harsh truth Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I lied when I said,

“It’s me, it’s not you.”

– Brittany Brave, NYC-based comedian, actress, and writer @britbrave

19. Veiled Threats Love Poem

Roses are red,

But they don’t set the mood,

Ignore me for weeks

And I’ll send you a nude.

– Brittany Brave, NYC-based comedian, actress, and writer @britbrave

20. On A Jet Plane Love Poem

Roses bring joy.

Violets sorrow.

Love me today,

cause I’m leaving tomorrow.

– Adam Cole, jazz musician and author

22. I don’t know how to say this Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

Sugar is sweet –

and I think we should see other people.

– luvdaily crew

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The Sweet

23. The Wishful Thinking Love Poem

Roses are red,

But also is wine,

And just like merlot,

Men improve with time.

– Brittany Brave, NYC-based comedian, actress, and writer @britbrave

24. You are a Love Poem

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue.

Embrace your life Today,

And Be Authentically You!

– Leigh Ann Newman, Owner/Blogger @ Nans Daily Dose of Life

25. Forever Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I’ll always be loyal

My heart beats for you

Through every season

All life sends our way

I’ll love you each night

and all of our days.

– Dawn Baker, Adoption Counselor @dawnmbaker

27. You’re a Goldmine Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

If you were a booger

I’d pick you!

– Meghan Maloy Engberg, Super Mom

28. Everything’s Illuminated Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

But all of the colors

look brighter with you.

– Ariel Sabaj, poet and musician

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And now for Something Completely Different…

29. What You Said Before You were asked to Leave – The Love Poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

That felt pretty good…

Was it good for you, too?

– Robert Barrows, founder @ R.M. Barrows, Inc.

31. Loev Peom

Rosses are red,

Violets are blou.

This poem is falty –

try and guess hou.

– Adam Cole, jazz musician and author

32. Yoda’s Speech Impediment

Red roses are,

Green are Violets.

Yoda’s dyslexic…

which is sad.

– Tim Toterhi, founder @ Plotline Leadership

33. A Love Poem by Groot

I am groot.

I am groot.

I am groot.

I am groot.

– Tim Toterhi, founder @ Plotline Leadership

34. The Teenage Love Poem

Roses are like…red,

Huh…, Oh yeah, those other things are green, I think.

(checks Google)

I’m mean blue, but that’s like totally racist against smurfs.

(constructs protest sign. Thinks about poem’s origins.)

Cool….

(gets distracted by cat video.)

– Tim Toterhi, founder @ Plotline Leadership

35. That’s so 90’s Love Poem

Mario is red,

Sonic is blue.

Sorry…

I’m stuck back in ’92

– Jordan Baker, co-host of the Worth it or Worthless Podcast

36. I want to Believe Love Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I want to believe…

and watch X-Files with you.

– Ariel Sabaj, poet and musician

38. Your Perception of the World Love Poem

Roses can be blue,

And violets can be, too…

I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this…

“And how does that make you feel?”

Asked my therapist.

– luvdaily crew

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How do you think Sir Edmund would feel about this?

We hope you enjoyed these lovely (and unconventional) takes of “roses are red, violets are blue.” Also, a HUGE thank you to all of our contributors. To those reading this: please, please, please let these lovely humans know that you appreciated their words with a follow on social media – or leave a note in the comments section below.

Additionally, we encourage you to submit your own version of “roses are red, violets are blue” in the comments.

And lastly, we must give thanks to the inspiration for all of this -Sir Edmund “Fig-licious” Spenser. May (a highly derivative version of) your legacy continue – for many decades to come.

Is this love that I’m feelin’?

Love is everywhere, if you take the time to notice. It’s in the birds. It’s in the trees. It’s in the bees. It is in the venom of those bees, as they sting your friend shortly after he bragged about how good his aim was with a baseball…and attempted to prove it. It is even in the Epi-pen you have to thrust into your friend’s chest cavity, and in the oatmeal bath he takes post-thrust.

Yes, love is truly all around you.

But how do you tell love from obsession, or a hobby, or food you really like? Well, that’s why you’re here, right?

Make a Sweeping Proclamation – and Commit!

The first trick in understanding love: is to swear off love completely.

The first trick in understanding love: is to swear off love completely. #facts Click To Tweet

You need to make yourself into some sort of hermit.

Ideally, you’d have a castle and a township (at said castle) that’s easily frightened at the mention of your name. Every now and then, you should have a carriage or someone on horseback ride by your estate. As they fumble through the woods (due to a flat wagon wheel or missing horseshoe) you can offhandedly try to help them.

Refine Your Body Language for Better Results

To do this effectively, try communicating with them through a series of high-pitched growls (like a bear that just had it’s foot run over).

Make sure your hands are raised very high up in the air, as to look somewhat menacing. They’ll probably scream – and that’s to be expected.

Afterwards, they run back and tell the rest of the townspeople – getting them all riled up. Then, they usually start singing a song about you (again, this is just part of the process).

Shortly thereafter, the townspeople hang signs around the village – saying things like “$1000 Reward for the Head of Count Derek!” It’s never quite clear how they got the picture…or who was paid to print all the posters…let alone coordinate the distribution process…but…part of love is accepting things we don’t always understand.

Invasion of Privacy

Next, an unassuming (but slightly pretentious) French woman will move into your house and start re-arranging all the possessed furniture in your castle. This is annoying at first; but you begin to see her vision and understand that maybe it was time to get rid of all your haunted band posters.

This is your life for a while.

Now, you may begin to ask yourself, “Is this love?” No, it’s not; but you’re getting pretty close.

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Confront the Ghost of Another’s Past to Exercise Your Own

Enjoy the honeymoon phase of your relationship – it’s doesn’t last long. Pretty soon the French lady’s ex-boyfriend, Bartimus, shows up at your door asking for his favorite shirt back…or if he can stay with you until his dad reactivates his credit cards, or say he wants to kill you.

You feel kind of bad for him, and say he can stay…but just for a few days.

Inevitably, you discover he’s eaten all of your favorite breakfast cereal and decide Bartimus is in serious need of intervention.

Using a delicate approach, you confront him honestly and firmly, as you dangle his body over the edge of a nearby cliff. This part isn’t easy, but is necessary.

After he begs for his life, and promises his dad will pay you back for the breakfast cereal, you both have a good cry. You realize that, maybe, Bartimus isn’t so bad after all.

The two of you go back to the castle and talk all night about how cool all your haunted band posters are, and develop lots of inside jokes about living with a French lady who’s best friend is a sentient candlestick: “What does he even eat?!” you ask, laughing.

Growing Pains

Finally, the French lady decides you’re too immature, and will never change, “You can’t even keep plants alive!” she says, in French (rudely).

You realize that the only thing that French lady ever wanted to do – was change you.

After she leaves, and moves back in with her father, your bond with Bartiums continues to grow – unlike that dead plant next to your bed.

Discovering the Love Which Surrounds You

You and Barty (new nickname) sort through all your possessed furniture – donating most of it to the Haunted Salvation Army thrift store, up the road. You finally take all those old capes to the dry cleaner, and pick up all the ones you forgot you left at the dry cleaners, so many, many years before.

You’re finally be able to look in the mirror, and say to yourself – as it screams at you in terror (possessed mirror): “I am enough.”

You’re finally be able to look in the mirror, and say to yourself – as it screams at you in terror (possessed mirror): “I am enough.” #selflove #acceptance Click To Tweet

It just takes some time to notice.

Yes, it’s that time of year again – the bad habits we decided we formed last year have to go. It’s time to form some good ones by leveraging the thing that motivates us most: guilt.

Guilt, as we all know, is the engine of change.

Guilt, as we all know, is the engine of change. #science Click To Tweet

jk. jk. jk.

This year – how about a new approach? Negativity is a tar pit – not a springboard.

50 achievable New Year’s resolutions

In an effort to take your joy quota into surplus; we offer you this thoughtfully-crafted list of easily (and totally) achievable New Year’s resolutions – freeing you from guilt and catapulting you into sustained happiness.

For your convenience, we have broken these 50 resolutions into three main categories:

1. Enrich Your Life
2. Form Good Habits
3. One-and-Done (mostly…)

(Fast forward to the section you are most excited for, or simply scroll on.)

50 Easily Achievable Resolutions for the New Year:

Resolutions to Enrich Your Life

#1. Learn a new word every day.

#2. Tell others you are learning a new word every day so they can ask you, “Hey, what word did you learn today?” – every day.

# 3. Learn a new number every day.

# 4. Go outside more often – or stay inside less (your choice).

# 5. See how long you can go without cleaning out the fridge.

# 6. Pick one day out of the week where you promise to not look in the mirror before you go anywhere – call this day “Self-Reflection” day.

# 7. Use the word “party” to describe the things you don’t like to do – this will lower expectations for actual parties – making them much more satisfying!

# 8. Host a Tax Filing Party – take a drink any time you satisfy legal compliance!

# 9. Anytime you go out to eat, ask the server if there will be free bread.

# 10. Read more lists of things telling you to do more things.

# 11. Tell a friend to read this list.

# 12. Call your favorite senator once a month – just to remind them you’re thinking of them.

# 13. Call your least favorite senator and pretend like you meant to call your favorite senator when someone picks up.

Enjoy a good laugh after you hang up.

Resolutions to Help Form Good Habits

# 14. Say “thank you” everywhere you go to discover all the places you are welcome.

# 16. Call your parents any time you get selected for jury duty.

# 17. Wear your “—> I’m with stupid” shirt anytime you attend jury duty.

# 18. Look at a vegetable anytime something good happens – creating a more positive association with vegetables.

# 20. Fill “dreams” jar with candy to have sweet dreams.

# 21. Place all the fatty foods in your fridge on the bottom shelf – making them all low fat. So long, guilt!

# 23. Clap for yourself anytime you trip or step in gum.

# 24. Subscribe to luvdaily.

Subscribe to luvdaily. #luvdaily #engagingcontent Click To Tweet

# 25. Make it a point to shamelessly promote things more often.

Make it a point to shamelessly promote things more often. #NewYearsResolutions Click To Tweet

# 26. Unsubscribe from luvdaily (then, subscribe again).

# 27. Make it a point to laugh more maniacally at things.

# 28. Finally become the person that says, “I got my hairs cut.” So no one can make you feel foolish – ever again.

Finally become the person that says, “I got my hairs cut.” So no one can make you feel foolish – ever again. #goals Click To Tweet

Do this One Thing – Resolution Complete

# 30 . Schedule all of your dental visits for the year.

# 31. Buy 12 toothbrushes.

# 32. Write a thank you card to your mail carrier.

# 33. Send a thank you email to your email provider.

# 34. Send a note by carrier pigeon – just to see what all the hype is about.

#35. Rid your life of “diggity,” once and for all:

# 35.a. Find all the “diggity” in your life.

# 35.b. Buy some bags.

# 35.c. Listen to the song “No Diggity” – wait for instruction.

# 36. Incorporate the phrase “no diggity” into your daily vernacular.

# 37. Make a commitment to help others extricate their “diggity.”

# 38. Have an existential crisis – just for fun.

# 39. Plan your dream vacation to the DMV.

# 40. Attend a DMV Party.

# 42. Tell your plant nice things – remind it that your intent is not to kill.

# 43. If you do kill your plant, ask the soil for forgiveness (make sure to hide the body, though).

# 44. Buy less candles.

# 45. Buy a gym membership – consider your work done.

# 47. Make something (subjectively) beautiful.

# 48. Love something.

# 49. Let something go.

# 50. If something you let go comes back…tell that something that you think it is maybe a little too co-dependent and should have gotten the hint the first time.

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There you have it! These easily achievable New Year’s resolutions are a surefire way to ditch the “diggity” and multiply your soul points into excess. Try one – or try them all.

Which resolution will you try first?!

Tell us about your achievable New Year’s resolutions and how you intend to accomplish them in the comments.