This year – how about a new approach? Negativity is a tar pit – not a springboard.
50 achievable New Year’s resolutions
In an effort to take your joy quota into surplus; we offer you this thoughtfully-crafted list of easily (and totally) achievable New Year’s resolutions – freeing you from guilt and catapulting you into sustained happiness.
For your convenience, we have broken these 50 resolutions into three main categories:
As we ring in the new year, I thought it would be nice to include some resolutions I have made in the past.
Hopefully, this list will inspire you and motivate you to make your own list of resolutions.
A list of Resolutions from 2014
1. Laugh at more stuff.
2. Good job.
3. Find a wall I don’t like – to shake fist at.
3a. If ever go to wall, and is knocked down, or gone; training…complete.
3b. Find more things I don’t like. (see #3)
4. Begin fundraising for Parrot vs. Flying food research/sit-com idea. (Nobel prize?)
4a. Get parrot named “Carl.”
4b. Teach Carl to talk, so can become friends/play practical jokes on each other.
4b1/2. Make sure not to talk politics/bird cage hygiene with Carl, as he takes things too personally sometimes.
4c. Get Gorilla. Name him “Chim-Chams.”
4d. Teach Chim-Chams sign language, so can signal when to throw pieces of food at Carl, without Carl knowing what’s coming. Unexpectedly, knocking him unconscious. (See #4b)
4e. Make sure not to kill/severely injure Carl in early tests (practical jokes)…only, hilariously, knock unconscious.
5. Invent “Cobarflanket.” (The Coat Scarf Blanket) Will essentially be longer coat, with scarf attachment, that is only worn indoors, and comes in “stylish” (fuchsia) camo, or tropical fish design.
5a. Market “Cobarflanket” specifically to uncles named “Gayle,” and shaved cats that appreciate irony.
6. Begin filming documentary on hazards of choking, titled: “I’m not Sorry I Threw That In Your Mouth…While You Were Sleeping in That Chair.”
6a. (Second Nobel Prize?)
7. Begin my craft cocktail idea pitch to Outback Steakhouse, for their 2014 drink menu. Potential cocktail names: “The Didgeri-‘Zach’adoo Shortini,” “The Jumbo I’m Such a Samantha-Rita From Down Under,” and the “Wallaby Failing a Sobriety Test After Drinking This-osmopolitan.”
8. Get really good at sword fighting.
8a. Make sure to get invited to lots of pirate themed parties.
8b. Throw, exclusively, pirate themed parties. Make sure to include part about “sword fighting contest.”
9. Watch the “magic” happen.
10. Figure out when to watch for magic “happening,” and make sure to know difference between what I call “magic,”and what others call “magic” (hitting me in the eyes/crotch with things).
10a. Don’t cry after “magic” happens…
11. Get a new eye patch. (see #8 or #10)
12. Keep doing handsome things, that make people stare at me.
13. Finish interactive Cap’n Crunch art project. (see #8b)
14. ROFL (#1) (check)
15. Catch up on all the Spanish soap operas I like to translate/reenact for house guests. (see #8, again)
16. Work on my screenplay for new “Latin Disney” meets Sex in The City movie, titled: “¡SABADO!¡CINCO, CINCO, CINCO!” It’s about a cat named “Latimer,” whose best friend is a talking hammer named “Clancy.” Together, they overcome their fear of the ocean…so they can dance with fish, in order for this one girl to not get her hair caught in doors, or something. And everyone is drunk, I think.
17. Pretend to be French, sometimes.
18. Pat self on back for stuff “self” accomplished this year.
19. Disregard #18. Get Swedish massage for stuff self accomplished this year! You earned it! And big margarita! (see #7)
20. Probably do some other stuff.
21. Utter the phrase, “Nailed it!” after I do, virtually, anything, to boost confidence even higher than last year.
22. Definitely do the pirate thing.
23. Have a great year, buddy.
24. Nailed it!
What are your New Year’s resolutions? Tell us in the comments. Or, if you’re looking for ideas, try this list: totally achievable New Year’s resolutions.
The next time you visit the zoo, take a moment to observe the habits of the tiger (if the tiger is awake, that is…).
As the tiger paces, notice the movement – the circle in which it paces.
It remains constant.
And if you took the tiger out of the cage and put it in a bigger one…the pathway would not change.
This is referred to as “caged tiger syndrome.”
As humans, we are prone to caged tiger syndrome. This is because our brains love consistency.
To achieve, understand, and then expect consistency is to decrease the demand on our brains – reserving energy for more intensive tasks.
Creatures of habit.
But evidence has shown that these routines and habits, while sometimes enhancing our efficiency, can lead to creative atrophy – to mindlessness.
The good news is, unlike the tiger, we have a heightened sense of awareness (or at least we like to think we do…), allowing us to acknowledge these habits (blog about them on our websites) and break from them.
For example, try this simple audit: how do you get dressed every day?
Take note of one thing – just one! And try mixing it up:
Loop your belt a different direction.
Put your shirt on before your pants.
Tie your shoes using a different method – bunny ears vs. tree trunk (or vice versa).
Try to do this at least once a week – your brain will thank you for it.